What do Women Really Want?

Looking through profiles on a dating site is like sifting through a packet of needles to find the sharpest one.

It's impossible.

And it's because 99% of them fall into 3 basic categories.

Type 1: The Blankies.

Some people don't know what to write about themselves so they write nothing at all, they're profiles are blank, and usually don't have any pictures. They created their account just so they can look at other peoples profiles and send them messages.

Now that might be fine in principle, but the problem with this type of completely unimaginative person is that the message they send will be, and let me copy/paste a few here.

• "Hi, how are you?"


• Hey, how are you?


• hi how are u lol?


• hi r u ok?


• u wonna fuk lol ?

If this was a meeting in person i'd be able to answer and inquire as to how they are, and then make some comment about you "nice smile" or flippant joke about the environment we are in "Do you think the barmaid has noticed that guy leering at her for the last 20 minutes, or was she distracted by us two doing it aswell?" or whatever pops into my head at that moment.

Online however things are different, I get these messages and i'm like, ok - how am I going to construct an answer to this which presents me as both humerous and intelligent, because I would like to demonstrate something of myself in my reply. So I look at your profile and and i'm sighing, because i've got nothing to work with.

What am I meant to do, say "I'm grand thanks, how are you? I see you are into zen minimalism, me too!".

Show just a little bit of imagination to make it worth my while messaging you back, especially as imaginative women are way better in bed. So what you are really saying is, "Hi, I lack the imagination and creativity to be a good shag, but would you like to fuck me anyway?".

Type 2: The GSOH

This applies whether you use dating abbreviations or not, and I strongly recommend that you don't because the moment you realise that you know every single possible abbreviation used on dating sites you also have to accept that you've been doing it too long and still not got anywhere, and maybe it's time to get a real life.

GSOH stands for "Good Sense of Humour", usually you will find this in the 'I am looking for' section, it's on about 98% of profiles that are not blank.

The truth is that we ALL want someone with a good sense of humour, and very few women have it. Do you know how I know this? Because i've seen way more dating site profiles that stated "i'm funny" than i've seen dating site profiles that are actually funny.

If you are looking for a good sense of humour then rent a fucking a Bill Bailey DVD or something.

Most women looking for a GSOH are also looking for, can you guess?

Oh come on it's easy...

They're also looking for someone who's honest. That's right, if you have a good sense of humour and are honest then you can take your pick because almost every single woman on the planet is on the lookout for you.

Unfortunately life experience has taught me that honest people don't really exist. All relationships end sooner or later, and before they do there will be at least 1 lie. If you're lucky there will be a lot more.

It's lucky if someone lies more because it meens they're only lying about the little stuff instead of being guilty over it and lying about something really big.

At some level everybody is fundamentally dishonest. Even me and i'm as transparent as a sheet of assetate 99% of the time. I regard myself as a fundamentally honest person, but so does everybody else.

Nobody ever admits to themselves that they lie, we all think we're honest.

But what really makes me chuckle is that people put this in the "what i'm looking for" section as if somebody with a fundamental issue over telling the truth would do anything but lie about it!

Type 3: The Totally Insecure

Profiles with either no pictures of themselves despite uploading some, or details of their face or body are obscured from view in the pictures that they have, revealing them to be somebody who is not comfortable with their appearance.

What makes me really laugh about type 3's is that the vast majority of them are looking for someone who is "confident".

If you can't be confident in yourself how do you expect to attract someone who is self assured? Are you so insecure that you must leach off other peoples self esteem?

By the time you where 18 you should have realised that 90% of sexual attraction is confidence, and if you're still trying to resist this raw simple fact of life and hide yourself despite knowing it's true then do you really think the internet is going to save you? At some point you are going to have to meet this person face to face.

How about developing some spine of your own, and accepting who you are and seeing if anybody wants that, because if they don't want the real you there's no future in any connection that you might make anyway.

Conclusions

Understand what you actually want and be brutally honest about it. If you find yourself writing what your ideal fantasy is then look at the things which broke up your last few relationships, was it really dishonesty and a lack of a sense of humour? Or was it the fact that you werent sexually compatable? If so maybe you should be stating something about what you are looking for sexually?

Be honest about who you are, don't try to hide it in the hopes that somebody will grow attached to you before telling them the truth.

There are things I don't put in my dating profile but that i'll deal with on first meeting because I want to be open and honest with potential partners, but mostly my profile demonstrates exactly who I am.

And that's my final point, don't say you are funny and then fail to say anything funny because I don't believe you, which meens you're not only lacking in GOSH - but you're a liar too, and i'm looking for an honest person with a good sense of humour tyvm :)

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